


Endgame, Set, and Match

by CsoulmateJ (Fantasorie)



Series: Birthday stories for kayla2011 [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 18:03:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantasorie/pseuds/CsoulmateJ
Summary: The crew of Voyager find themselves pieces in the ultimate chess game, there's just one problem...they have two queens giving them orders.  In the confusion, can they bring down the Borg queen and get home?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kayla2011](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayla2011/gifts).



> My friend asked for an epic tale for her b-day this year since she says it's a big birthday. I'm not sure this is an epic, but I tried. She wanted the story to be set in Endgame and to stay as close to cannon as possible. I did stay as close to cannon as I could for the parts on the ship, though I had tweak things with Seven/Chakotay so that I could fit in the request for some QT between Chakotay and Admiral Janeway. Everything that happens after the episode end...that's entirely AU.

Captain Kathryn Janeway had faced many things while in the Delta Quadrant, but none of those things had prepared her for coming face to face with an older, even bossier, version of herself…a version that outranked her and was giving her orders.

Orders flew out of the Admiral’s mouth, a rebuttal flew out of the Captain’s mouth, both women just about to continue the verbal sparring until Tuvok announced a Klingon ship was coming through the rift.

Admiral Janeway once again gave Captain Janeway orders. “Close the rift. In case you didn’t notice, I outrank you, _Captain_. Now do it,” the trademark snark loudly evident in the way she emphasized the rank.

Kathryn finally gave the order to close the rift then used her own snark and demanded, “I did what you asked, now tell me what the hell is going on.” 

“I’ve come to bring Voyager home,” was the Admiral’s answer.

Everything happened so fast after the rift was closed, that Kathryn felt her head spinning while she stood staring at her older self as she materialized in the transporter room. “Welcome aboard.” Kathryn greeted, though not with any amount of enthusiasm.

“It’s good to be back.”

Kathryn decided that she and the Admiral would go to her ready room. As they walked, she told Chakotay and Tuvok to return to the bridge, which left the two women alone. “Who the hell are you?”

Admiral Janeway rolled her eyes and glanced at her younger self. “Who the hell do I look like? Don’t tell me you don’t recognize yourself, Captain.”

Kathryn sighed, this woman certainly sounded like her. “Fine, for now I’ll go with the theory that you’re an older me.”

“Well bully for you,” the older woman mumbled under her breath just before the doors to the Captain’s ready room swished open. Taking a deep breath, she sighed. “Fresh coffee.”

“You want a cup?”

“No, I gave it up years ago.”

Kathryn inwardly scoffed at that. Her? Give up coffee? This was surely an imposter. She listed as her older self told details from the future she’d come from. As more details came to light, Kathryn realized she didn’t want to know more and told the Admiral so. Back and forth they went, the Captain growing annoyed with the older woman’s knowing the younger’s every thought. She had even guessed that Kathryn had thought about the admiral being species 8472 in disguise. Of course the skeptical part, well…she’d already given that away by asking who the woman was.

Damn it all.

She hated temporal mechanics just in general, but when it involved an older version of herself…the headache was only worse.

The admiral’s suggestion to have the crew examine the technology and armament on her shuttle, as well as having the doctor examine her, essentially told Kathryn that this woman was, indeed, an older version of herself.

Damn it all.

~*~

The doctor’s exam had proved the admiral was who she said she was. The crew had already started adding the armament to Voyager as well as updating the torpedoes, turning them into their transphasic counterparts from the future.

But none of that was on the admiral’s mind. Seven, more specifically, what the woman was up to with Chakotay, was all the admiral was thinking of. She had to find a way to stop it because telling Seven what had happened, her death, the devastation it had left Chakotay with, had done nothing. 

She knew that Seven wasn’t in love with Chakotay, at least not yet. At this point he was just a teacher, a way for the former drone to learn romantic interaction with a member of the opposite sex.

“I’ll just have to tell Chakotay,” she mumbled to herself even as she left her quarters. Tapping her comm. badge, she asked the computer for the first officer’s whereabouts, not surprised to find out the man was in his quarters. He was probably fixing some ridiculous meal for Seven as part of another _lesson_. “Lesson indeed.”

Walking the short distance to Chakotay’s quarters, Admiral Janeway pressed the chime and waited, quirking an eyebrow when all she received was, “Come in,” instead of the man showing up at his door. Since when did he just call out like this?

Chakotay looked up, surprised to see the older Janeway standing in his quarters. “Oh, I thought you were…well, never mind. What can I do for you, Admiral?”

“You thought I was Seven. And that’s what you can do for me. Stop.”

Chakotay frowned. “What?”

“I know all about you and Seven. As a matter of fact, I know more about it than you do. I know, for instance, that before she came to you and asked for your help, she created a holo representation of you and used him until he no longer sufficed.”

“She wouldn’t do that. She knows it’s against Starfleet rules and regs.”

“Since when has that stopped her?”

“Why are you talking about her like this? You love Seven.”

“ _Captain_ Janeway loves Seven.”

“And you don’t?”

“Not like my younger self, no. I didn’t make it up about the hologram. Check the logs for holodeck three. Ask the doctor. My Chakotay kept their relationship a secret until the day he came to me and asked me to marry them. Imagine my surprise and hurt. My best friend, and the young woman I looked upon as a daughter, dating and falling in love right under my nose and not bothering to tell me. Why was that, Chakotay?”

Staring at her, Chakotay didn’t know how to respond at first then glared at her. “You already know the answer to that.”

“Yes, I do. He couldn’t wait for me. In a way he was punishing me, though I don’t think he did it consciously. If he had just been a bit more patient, waited just a little while longer…I would have given in.”

Chakotay shook his head. “I know Kathryn. She will never change her mind.”

“But you don’t know the things that will happen in the coming months, weeks…years.”

“And just what exactly happened that would have led to you giving in?”

“Tuvok.”

Chakotay frowned. “Tuvok? What does he have to do with anything?”

“Tuvok has a degenerative neurological condition that will eventually strip him of everything that he is if you don’t return to the Alpha Quadrant and the cure that lies with his family. Kathryn doesn’t know, just as I didn’t know…until it was too late. I needed Chakotay’s friendship, and his love, but I had neither by that point. The part of me that was still half alive was lost when I lost Tuvok because he was all that I had after Chakotay married Seven.” Looking away from Chakotay, Kathryn stared out the viewport across the room. “Seven will die in three years. She’s injured on an away mission. They return her to the ship where the doctor does his best but there’s nothing he can do. She’ll die in your arms. You’ll never be the same. Neither will Kathryn. She does her best to be a friend to you, though it isn’t the same. You’ll die shortly after you finally make it home…sixteen years from now.”

Chakotay heard the bitterness, the ugliness of the things this Kathryn had seen, and the heartbreak. “I know what happens, I can stop it.”

“So you can,” she whispered, realizing that he wasn’t going to listen to her. She should have known that he wouldn’t. How could she forget? “I’ll leave you and let you get back to your preparations. Enjoy your date.”

Watching her walk from his quarters, Chakotay felt a sudden shaking of the very fabric of the world in which he’d lived these last seven years. Sitting down in the chair behind him, he frowned. Was he really with Seven to punish Kathryn?

“But how can that be? She doesn’t even know,” he wondered out loud. Then he remembered…it would be Kathryn that married he and Seven. “And that’s the punishment,” he murmured.

Hearing the door chime, he stood up. Maybe it was time for a few truths to come out between him and Seven…starting with her using a hologram of him without his permission.


	2. Chapter 2

Admiral Janeway sat sipping at a cup of coffee, trying to remember just exactly why she’d given it up. She’d been doing nothing but thinking about Chakotay since she’d returned to her quarters and changed into her night clothes for more comfort. It shouldn’t have surprised her that he hadn’t responded how she’d hoped. She knew him better than that.

Chakotay liked the attention of a woman. He always had. She knew that. How many different blondes had he been involved with since she’d known him? She rolled her eyes. Far too many for her liking, though she’d never said anything because she didn’t have the right to. She’d never understood him becoming involved with Seven, though.

The former Borg was essentially a child in a woman’s body. It had never occurred to her that her first officer would look passed that and enter into a romantic relationship with her. 

Had she really pushed him that far?

“Yes, old woman, you did…and have,” she added then rolled her eyes. She hated temporal mechanics. They still gave her a headache, no matter how many years had gone by. No matter how much she’d studied since she’d made the decision to go back in time, she still didn’t have the patience for the mind numbing circles one found oneself going around in when dealing with time. The temporal prime directive didn’t help matters, either. Of course, she’d essentially flipped it the bird, to use one Mr. Paris’ twenty-first century sayings, when she’d made up her mind to take this trip. One thing she hadn’t quite figured out was…why hadn’t a temporal agent been sent after her to return her to her own time?

The chirping of her comm. badge disrupted her musings and she swallowed the last sip of coffee hastily. Tapping her badge, she listened to her younger self telling her to come to the bridge.

It was time.

They were nearing the entrance to the hub.

Her younger self was about to learn the rest of the truth.

“And damn if I don’t know what she’s going to do.”

~*~

After the last Borg ship left, and Voyager made it to the center of the nebula, Kathryn stared at the object in front of them. “What the hell is it?”

Admiral Janeway didn’t bother to answer, just looked at Paris and issued an order. “Mr. Paris alter coarse to enter the aperture at coordinates three four six by four two.”

Kathryn countered, “Belay that,” then looked at the admiral. “I asked you a question. What is it?”

Admiral Janeway looked at her. “The road home.”

“It’s more than that.” Seven interrupted. “It’s a transwarp hub.”

“You once told me there were only six of them in the galaxy.”

“That’s correct.”

Pushing herself up out of her chair, Kathryn walked to her counterpart. “You knew this was here but you didn’t tell me about it. Why?”

Staring unflinchingly at her younger self, the older Janeway answered, “I’ll answer all your questions once we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Turning to Paris, Kathryn ordered, “Take us out of the nebula.”

“Captain?” Paris asked, completely befuddled on what was going on and who to take orders from.

“You heard me.” Kathryn told him, never taking her eyes off her older self.

Not intimidated in the slightest, the older Janeway looked to Paris and reminded him, “I gave you an order, Lieutenant. Proceed to the aperture.”

“This is my bridge, Admiral, and I’ll have you removed if necessary. Take us out.”

Chakotay sat staring at the two women, their back and forth causing tension on the bridge that one didn’t need to be an empath to feel.

Looking back at Chakotay in confusion, Paris finally agreed. “Aye, Captain.”

Admiral Janeway stared at Captain Janeway and shook her head.

Yes, she’d known damn well what her younger self would do.

~*~

In Astrometrics, the conflict continued as Admiral Janeway listened to Kathryn, Seven, Tuvok, and Chakotay discuss the hub and tactical ways they could destroy it. Over and over she tried to get them to see how futile it was until finally the captain had enough and gave the order to find a way to destroy it then told the admiral, “Let’s take a walk.”

Admiral Janeway walked beside her counterpart, waiting for what was to come.

“I want to know why you didn’t tell me about this.” Kathryn demanded.

“Because I remember how stubborn and self-righteous I used to be. I figured you might try to do something stupid.”

“We have an opportunity to deal a crippling blow to the Borg. It could save millions of lives.”

Looking away from her younger self, Admiral Janeway tried to keep from rolling her eyes. “I didn’t spend the last ten years looking for a way to get this crew home earlier,” she turned her gaze back to the woman beside her and gave into the urge and rolled her eyes as she finished, “so you could throw it all away on some intergalactic goodwill mission.”

“Maybe we should go back to sickbay.”

“Why? So you can have me sedated?”

“So I can have the doctor reconfirm your identity.” Janeway stopped and turned to face her older self, her chin lifted in defiance. “I refuse to believe I’ll ever become as cynical as you.”

“Am I the only one experiencing déjà vu here?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Seven years ago you had the chance to use the Caretaker’s array to get Voyager home, instead you destroyed it.”

“I did what I knew was right.”

“You chose to put the lives of strangers ahead of the lives of your crew. You can’t make the same mistake again.”

“You got Voyager home, which means I will too. If it takes a few more years, then tha…”

Admiral Janeway interrupted. “Seven of Nine is going to die.”

“What?” Kathryn asked, her voice not its usual strength.

“Three years from now. She’ll be injured on an away mission. She’ll make it back to Voyager and die in the arms of her husband.”

“Husband?” Kathryn asked in a breathy whisper.

“Chakotay. He’ll never be the same after Seven’s death and neither will you.”

“If I know what’s going to happen I can avoid it.”

“Seven isn’t the only one. Between this day and the day I got Voyager home, I lost twenty-two crew members. And then of course there’s Tuvok.”

“What about him?”

“You’re forgetting the Temporal Prime Directive, Captain.”

“The hell with it.”

And so Admiral Janeway told her younger self what had happened to Tuvok and what will happen if he doesn’t get the cure in time. She continued until finally she said, “Even if you alter Voyager’s route, limit your contact with alien species, you’re going to lose people. But I’m offering you a chance to get all of them home safe and sound, today. Are you really going to walk away from that?”

When then younger woman walked away, Admiral Janeway watched her and knew that she would go straight to Tuvok. It’s what she would have done, and no matter what Kathryn had said earlier, she was already on the path to becoming the version of herself standing here now and trying desperately to change things.


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn had done just exactly what her older self knew she would and stood staring down at Tuvok as he sat on the sofa in her ready room.

“Your concern is appreciated, Captain, but premature. It will be several years before the symptoms become serious. Until then, the doctor can manage my condition with medication.”

“Is it true what the admiral said? That there’s a cure in the Alpha Quadrant?”

“It is called a, fal-tor-voh, and it requires a mind meld with another Vulcan.”

“What about the other Vulcans on Voyager?”

“None of them are compatible.”

“But members of your family are.” Kathryn guessed and Tuvok nodded. Sitting down beside him, she asked, “If you knew that returning to the Alpha Quadrant was your only chance for recovery, why didn’t you object when I asked you to help find a way to destroy the hub?”

Tuvok finally looked at her. “My sense of logic isn’t impaired yet. If we succeed, millions of lives will be saved.”

“What about your life?”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “To quote Ambassador, Spock, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

Kathryn felt her heart break at the selflessness of her friend. Damn Vulcan’s and their logic.

~*~

Admiral Janeway stood staring out the viewport in her quarters. She’d tried her best, but had failed. “Face it, old woman, you underestimated your younger self and this crew’s loyalty to her,” she grumbled then frowned when her door chimed.

“Come,” she called then shook her head at how very _Jean Luc Picard_ she’d sounded just then.

Chakotay stood staring at the admiral’s reflection. “Admiral.”

Turning, the older woman frowned at him. “Why are you here? After our last encounter, I had thought you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me. Why aren’t you with Seven? Shouldn’t you be working with her and Tuvok to find out a way to destroy the hub?”

“Seven can work on it alone for the time being. I have something I wish to discuss with you.”

“Well, what is it?”

Walking closer to her, Chakotay stared down at her, losing himself in the depths of her blue eyes and finding bitterness, pain, and loss staring back at him. Without thinking, he lifted a hand and caressed a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For?” she asked a bit breathlessly. It had been too many years to count since she’d felt a touch as tender…since she’d felt his touch.

“I want you to know that things have ended with Seven and I. After you left my quarters, I sat down and began to think of all that you said then Seven showed up. I confronted her about the hologram of me. Things didn’t go well after that. You were right. It would have been a punishment to Kathryn if I had continued on with the relationship and then asked her to marry Seven and I. That was your punishment, wasn’t it? That’s what finally broke Kathryn so that Captain Janeway took over completely and there was nothing of Kathryn left.”

“Oh, there was some of Kathryn left, but she made very rare appearances and she never lost her heart again. Marriage is for the young.” The feel of his hand on her cheek was doing things to her and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself.

“What is it?” Chakotay asked, seeing the change in the hue of her eyes. “What do you want? Why are you really here?”

“You know Kathryn. Why would she do this?”

But Chakotay shook his head. “The Kathryn of the here and now isn’t doing this, and wouldn’t. The Kathryn I’m staring down at is different. She’s seen death and horrors the Kathryn of twenty-three seventy-eight hasn’t seen. You had to know she wouldn’t go along with your plan.”

“Let’s say I underestimated her.” Admiral Janeway said as she pulled away, moving back to stare out at the passing stars.

Walking up behind her, Chakotay gently grasped her shoulders. “You did this to stop her from becoming you.”

Closing her eyes, Admiral Janeway let herself be pulled back against Chakotay’s chest. “Dear god, don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?” Chakotay whispered against her ear.

“This. You should be with her.”

“No. I’m where I should be right now, in this moment. Kathryn is too busy with what she now considers our mission.”

“Foolish woman.”

“Not foolish. Never foolish.”

“But I was. She is.” Opening her eyes, Admiral Janeway turned to stare up at Chakotay. Lifting a hand, she traced the lines of his tattoo. “I was a fool to believe that I had to keep myself separate. I was a fool to sacrifice my own happiness for Starfleet protocols. She’s doing the same. She’s repeating the mistake we made seven years ago that stranded this ship and her crew here in the Delta Quadrant.”

“That wasn’t a mistake. This crew now understands that there wasn’t really any other choice. A whole species would be extinct if the Caretaker’s Array hadn’t been destroyed. She,” he grasped her shoulders again. “You, did the right thing…did what you were trained to do…made the tough decision as all Captains are asked to do in such situations. And now, just as it was then, is one of those times. She’s made the right decision. You know that she has.” Chakotay pulled the admiral close and caressed her cheek. “You may not have managed to do exactly what you set out to, but you have accomplished one thing.”

“What?”

“Me,” he whispered before gently covering her lips with his.

Fisting her hands in his tunic, Admiral Janeway let herself get lost in the kiss she’d often found herself imagining off and on over the years. Humming when Chakotay deepened the kiss, she slid an arm around his back and one over his shoulder, her fingers threading up through his hair as she pressed her body closer to his. 

Chakotay felt himself drowning in the kiss and pulled back to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize because I’m not sorry. You’ve given an old woman a memory to take with her.”

“Where are you going?”

“There’s something I can do to make a success out of this mission my younger self has set this ship and its crew on.”

Chakotay didn’t like the feeling that washed over him. “What are you going to do?”

Patting his cheek, she stared up at him. “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one,” she intentionally changed the famous Spock quote.

Chakotay watched her walk away and knew what she was going to do. “She’s no different than Captain Janeway after all,” he murmured as he followed her out, catching sight of her just as she was swallowed up in the turbolift. “Hell hath no fury as two Janeways scorned,” he chuckled as he did his own bit of misquoting a famous saying. 

The Borg queen had no clue what she was in for.


	4. Chapter 4

Standing and listening to the plan that the Voyager crew had come up with to destroy the Borg hub, Admiral Janeway kept her face neutral, though inwardly she was very proud of how they’d come together. When her younger self had turned to glare at her as she declared she didn’t regret the decision she’d made seven years ago that stranded them all in the Delta Quadrant, she again kept her impassive stance and look, though she desperately wanted to roll her eyes.

If Chakotay hadn’t been there, Admiral Janeway thought she might have spoken up about what she planned to do, but he was, and she couldn’t. After their last encounter, she knew that he would try and talk her out of it, and she didn’t want that.

Listening to Harry, she felt pride well within. Her Harry was more mature, but still the same. In the end, he always supported her decisions, no matter what. This Harry was giving up his hopes of getting home to support Captain Janeway. Harry in the future had ignored his training and a host of protocols and regulations to support Admiral Janeway.

It was nice to have a constant no matter the time or place.

As the crew lifted their coffee mugs in a salute to the journey, she stared at Kathryn when she turned to look at her.

Soon she would tell her the final piece of the plan.

~*~

“Coffee, black.” Admiral Janeway ordered and watched as the drink materialized.

“I thought you gave it up.” Kathryn said from her spot across the room. She’d been sitting and staring out at the passing stars and had been surprised to hear her older self’s voice ordering the beverage.

“I’ve decided to revive a few of my old habits.”

“Oh? What else besides the coffee?” Kathryn asked as she watched the older woman walk over to stare out the viewport.

The admiral looked to her younger self. “Oh, well. I used to be much more idealistic. I took a lot of risks.” Turning back to stare out at the stars, she continued, “I’ve been so determined to get this crew home for so many years, that I think I forgot how much they loved being together, and how loyal they were to you,” she looked back at her younger self then walked over to stand and looked down at her. “It’s taken me a few days to realize it. This is your ship, your crew, not mine. I was wrong to lie to you, to think I could talk you out of something you’d set your mind to.”

“You were only trying to do what you thought was right for all of us.” Kathryn told her.

“Well, you’ve changed my mind about that.” Admiral Janeway informed the younger woman then sat down. “And I’d like to help you carry out your mission. Maybe together we can increase our odds.”

“Maybe we can do more than that. There’s got to be a way to have our cake and eat it too.”

Shaking her head, Admiral Janeway said, “We can’t destroy the hub and get Voyager home.”

Kathryn leaned forward and stared up at her older counterpart. “Are you absolutely sure about that?”

“There might be a way. I considered it once, but it seemed too risky.”

“That was before you decided to revive your old habits.”

Smelling the coffee, the admiral sighed, “I don’t know why I ever gave this up.”

~*~

When she arrived back in her quarters, Admiral Janeway went to her room and began packing her things. Why, she didn’t know, because she knew she wouldn’t be needing them. She supposed it was something to do to pass the time while the doctor worked on his part of her plan.

Suddenly feeling like she wasn’t alone, she turned and found herself staring into the dark eyes of Voyager’s first officer. “Chakotay,” she breathed.

“Why?” he asked as he moved closer.

“There is no other way to get you home, and this still might not work,” she answered even as she backed up, stopping only when she bumped into the bed.

Chakotay, having moved with her, stopped mere inches from her body and stared down at her. “If you aren’t sure, why do it?”

Her breathing was growing labored with the nearness of him and she found it hard to concentrate. Licking her lip, she finally answered, “Because it gives you a better chance at winning than if I stood by and did nothing.”

Reaching up, Chakotay cupped her face in his hands and shook his head. “You haven’t really changed. She would do the same thing.”

“Please,” she pleaded with him, not sure what she was pleading for just knowing that she needed something.

Holding her gaze a moment, Chakotay came to a decision and bent down, capturing her lips in a kiss that started off slow but quickly escalated with the sound of her moan.

Clutching at Chakotay, Admiral Janeway kissed him hungrily, knowing this would be the last time she would taste him, wanting another memory to take with her as she entered the queen’s lair. 

Breaking the kiss for needed air, Chakotay let his forehead rest against hers. “Let me give you more than just this to take with you,” he whispered.

“There’s no time,” she breathed as she shook her head, her body desperately wanting to give in.

“We’ll make the time.”

Pulling back, she stared up at him, her blue eyes holding his dark ones. “Then just take me. Don’t bother with finesse. Just take me.”

Seeing in her eyes the desire to have this moment, Chakotay nodded then found the fastenings of her uniform and nearly tore it from her. “Like this?” he asked as he tossed the material aside.

“Yes. Don’t worry about the clothes, I have more,” she panted even as she leaned over, picking up the scissors she had sitting beside her bed and handing them to him. “Cut them off,” she commanded. “No time for anything else.”

Holding her gaze, Chakotay slid the cool metal under the band of her bra and snipped, watching in avid appreciation as the garment fell away and her breasts were freed.

Her own hands busy, Admiral Janeway was more careful with his uniform, knowing he would need it when they were through. She had it completely unfastened, just waiting for him to push it off when he cut away her underwear and the cool air of the room hit her lower body causing her to groan.

“Spirits,” he hissed then dropped the scissors and shoved his own clothes out of the way, boots and socks causing only a momentary problem before hastily being taken care of in his quest to be as naked as his companion.

“You’re magnificent,” she said, her voice lower than usual, her eyes roaming over his naked form. Pushing her packing aside, she shifted back on the bed and waited for him to join her, moaning when his body settled into the cradle of her open thighs. She was really too old to be doing this so quickly, but she would have no tomorrow to care about the aches this would cause. There was only the here and now, and she wanted him…wanted this.

Chakotay’s hand was busy at her center, making sure she was ready for him. His mouth was busy at her breasts, nipping and suckling at the taut nipples. Dipping two of his fingers inside her heat, he growled when her inner muscles clutched at them. “Kathryn.”

Her heart thundered in her chest at the sound of her name falling off his tongue. Her younger self had been Kathryn all this time, but now in this moment, she, Admiral Janeway, was Kathryn once again. “Now, Chakotay. Now. No more time. Just take me,” she commanded as she lifted her legs and wrapped them around him.

Pushing himself up on his elbows, Chakotay stared down at her. “Guide me,” he gave his own command.

“Oh gods,” she moaned even as her hand moved to do his bidding. Wrapping her fingers around the hot, solid flesh of him, she guided him to her entrance, the tip of him replacing his fingers. “Yes. Now, Chakotay. All the way.”

Thrusting forward, Chakotay felt her heated flesh fluttering around him as she adjusted to being stretched. Stopping for a moment when he was as far as their bodies would allow, he watched as she closed her eyes and hummed her approval. “I suppose that means I meet with your approval?” he teased.

Pinching him, she opened her eyes and glared up at him. “Don’t tease. Just move.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I suppose it is crunch time,” she mumbled then cried out when he pulled out, and with a powerful thrust, filled her once again.

After that it was fast and hot and deliciously wicked until they were crashing back to reality, their climaxes now nothing more than mere aftershocks of pleasure as they lay gasping for breath, both sticky with sweat from their exertions. 

“I suppose,” she started but never finished because the chirping of his comm. badge interrupted her. “You’d better answer that then take a shower.”

Chakotay pressed a heated kiss to her mouth then fumbled around for his badge. “Commander Chakotay,” he said after tapping the object.

Admiral Janeway carefully maneuvered around him, quietly making her way to the sonic shower. She didn’t wish to listen in on his conversation, and she really had to be going to her shuttle. She had things she needed to do before Kathryn met her there.

Chakotay, as he listened to the report from Engineering, watched the woman he had just had passionate sex with, walk naked to the shower and longed to join her, but knew that wouldn’t be a good idea or they’d never leave. He’d given her something more than a kiss to take with her, it was all that he could do now.


	5. Chapter 5

Seeing her younger self finally entering the shuttle, Admiral Janeway half growled at her, “It’s about time. I’m not getting younger, you know.”

Kathryn merely smiled as she moved further into the shuttle, sitting down across from the older woman. “You’re sure you want to do this?” she asked as she held up the hypo-spray.

“No. But Voyager isn’t big enough for both of us.”

Getting up, Kathryn pressed the spray to the older woman’s neck before sitting back down. “Good luck, Admiral.”

“You, too.” The admiral told Kathryn then watched as she pushed herself up and started to walk away. “Captain,” she called, waiting for Kathryn to turn and look at her. “I’m glad I got to know you again.”

Kathryn simply smiled then walked away, her heart pounding as she tried not to think about how she was essentially sending herself to her death. “Damn temporal mechanics,” she mumbled.

Inside the shuttle, Admiral Janeway was rubbing her neck, sighing as the pain of the neurolytic pathogen filtered through her body. She was doing this to save this crew. _All_ of this crew. “I’m doing this for you,” she whispered as she flew out of the shuttle bay and stared at Voyager growing smaller in the distance. Letting her implant do the flying, she let her other thoughts drift to what she’d been doing those few terribly short minutes in her quarters with Chakotay instead of packing. Her body tingled in remembrance. He’d been every bit the lover she’d always imagined he would be, though their time had been constrained and their coming together rushed.

She hoped that once Kathryn learned of their brief time together, she would be able to forgive and let Chakotay into her life so that she could be happy. Maybe the truth found in the logs she’d left behind for Chakotay would help her younger self understand it all.

~*~

“Mr. Paris, what’s our position.” Kathryn asked as she stood up and moved to stand closer to the helm.

“Right where we expected to be.” Tom answered.

“The transwarp network has been obliterated, Captain.” Seven informed her from her station.

“We’ll celebrate later. Mr. Tuvok,” she looked back at the Vulcan who immediately complied with her unspoken order, the sphere around them exploding. “Now, Mr. Paris,” she shouted, holding onto the railing as Tom pushed the helm, the ship moving for all she was worth out of the debris. Staring out at all of the ships, Kathryn murmured, “We did it.”

Harry, after seeing and hearing a communication coming in, told the Captain, “We’re being hailed.”

“On screen.” Kathryn watched as the familiar faces of Owen Paris and Reginald Barclay appeared before her. “Sorry to surprise you. Next time we’ll call ahead.”

“Welcome back.” Admiral Paris told her as he stared at the crew he’d never thought to see return home in his lifetime.

“It’s good to be here.”

“How did you…” Admiral Paris started, stopping when Kathryn interrupted.

“It’ll all be in my report, Sir.”

“I look forward to it.” Admiral Paris said just before the screen went back to the stars and ships.

Kathryn bowed her head and whispered, “Thanks for your help, Admiral Janeway.”

The doctor’s voice filtered into the sudden silence. “Sickbay to the bridge,” and then a baby was heard making Harry chuckle and Kathryn smile. “Doctor to Lt. Paris. There’s someone here who’d like to say hello.”

“You’d better get down there, Tom.”

Tom grinned. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Kathryn turned and looked at Chakotay. “Mr. Chakotay,” she said and held out her hand toward Tom’s abandoned post. “The helm.”

“Aye, Captain,” he acknowledged as he moved down to take Tom’s place.

Walking back to her chair, Kathryn sat down and crossed her legs. “Set a coarse…for home.”

~*~

Chakotay sat at the desk in his quarters reading the logs that he’d found waiting for him when he’d entered shortly after they’d started on the last leg of their trip to Earth. Each of the crew that had been on the bridge at the time they’d burst through the transwarp hub had been relieved of duty to get some rest so that they would be prepared to greet the officials that would be waiting for them as well as family, friends, and the damned media.

He’d seen the light flashing on the console and frowned, wondering who could possibly have sent him a message, only to be floored by the sender. He had sat heavily in his chair and opened the file, finding a short message that read, _“I hope this will help you.”_ He hadn’t understood until he’d began reading.

Now, an hour later, he understood far better what had driven the woman who had ultimately sacrificed herself so that this crew and her younger self could get home before they lost friends aboard as well as family that had waited so long to see them once again. Yawning, he rubbed his eyes. He should be sleeping. He knew if they were going at regular speed, they would be home easily within an hour, but Captain Janeway had explained that she’d asked Admiral Paris if they could go slowly so that the crew could rest and have time to adjust to being home again, as well as prepare themselves for the onslaught of attention that they were about to experience. So, here they were, traveling at top impulse speed, more than likely trying the patience of their escorts, of which there were many.

He also knew what everyone else didn’t. Kathryn had asked that one of the ships be allowed to take Tuvok home to Vulcan, with the understanding that she would explain to Admiral Paris privately later. Only the admiral’s admiration for his onetime protégée had gotten her request granted. Yawning again, he created a mark at the spot in the file he’d stopped reading then closed it, deciding that sleep was required.

Pushing himself up from his chair, he stretched then turned and made his way to his bedroom, wondering as he walked if he was going to be able to shut his mind off so that he could rest.

“Somehow I think a white haired admiral is going to be haunting my dreams,” he muttered as he stripped his clothes off then slid into his bed. “Thank you, Kathryn,” he whispered before his eyes slowly closed, her face greeting him as she had been the last time he’d seen her. White hair mussed from their encounter, lips swollen from his ardent kisses, body still gloriously nude as she walked away from the bed. Though she would now never exist, he would never forget her.


	6. Chapter 6

As Voyager entered Earth’s orbit, Tom sighed. Having nothing to do now, he turned and looked at Chakotay. “Is it just me, or does it feel like we were pieces in a chess game?”

“What do you mean, Tom?” Kathryn asked, using his name instead of rank.

“It’s just that…” he started but Chakotay interrupted.

“We were.”

All eyes turned to him, staring in confusion. It was Kathryn that spoke first.

“What do you mean?”

Chakotay stared down at his hands. “She left me her logs so that I would understand.”

“Understand what, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked, wondering when it was that her first officer and the admiral had the chance to become close.

Looking up, Chakotay held Kathryn’s gaze. “This wasn’t the first time she tried to get Voyager home earlier than hers managed.”

That wasn’t at all what Kathryn expected and she simply stared at the man.

“You mean, she kept trying?” Harry asked.

“Yes, Harry. The first two tries were failures. While this time didn’t go as smoothly as she’d hoped, she did accomplish what she hadn’t before. She got us home.”

“By sacrificing herself.” Kathryn breathed. “So that’s what she meant.”

Now it was Chakotay who was confused. “What?”

“When she came to me and told me she would help, she said that there was something she’d considered once but that it seemed too risky.”

“The neurolytic pathogen.” Chakotay guessed.

“Yes. But why this time? What was different?” Kathryn wondered aloud.

Seven was sure she knew what was different this time, but chose wisely to keep her opinion to herself. “Permission to return to Astrometrics, Captain.”

“Go ahead. Thank you for all your help, Seven.”

“Just doing my duty, Captain.”

To Chakotay Seven sounded more cool and aloof than was usual, but he supposed he was the only one that would notice, knowing what he did about her. He knew that Admiral Janeway had told Captain Janeway about Seven and him, about what had happened with them in her timeline, but she hadn’t told Captain Janeway that he and Seven were no longer together. He supposed he should fill Kathryn in.

Standing Kathryn turned to smile at Harry. “Do you think you can handle things here for a while, Mr. Kim?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good. I have things I need to see to as I’m sure the rest of you do. We all have logs to get in order before we’re at our final destination. I’ll be in my ready room.”

Chakotay stood. “I’ll be in my quarters doing just that…going through logs. I might even do a bit of packing.”

Kathryn simply quirked an eyebrow at him, not really believing him, but choosing not to say anything. Now was not the time.

“Captain, would it be alright if I took a few minutes to go see how B’Elanna and Miral are doing? I promise I’ll be back in time to land us on the Presidio grounds.”

“Permission granted, Mr. Paris. And I have no doubt you’ll be back in time to land this ship. Who else but our best pilot could do her landing justice?” Kathryn winked at him when he grinned.

“You bet!” Tom said and was off, leaving a laughing crew behind.

“I never thought I’d see him so happy to be home.” Harry commented as he moved down to the command chair.

Kathryn turned from her place just outside her ready room doors. “He’s a father now, Harry.”

“Yeah. So he is.” Harry smiled then watched as she disappeared through the doors just as Chakotay was stepping into the turbolift. It was strange being left in charge at this time of day, but with Tuvok on his way to Vulcan, there really wasn’t anyone else at the moment. And that was just fine by Harry. They were back in the Alpha Quadrant. They were safe.

They were home.

~*~

Chakotay had little in the way of possessions to pack to take with him so he finished easily and sat back down at his desk to finish reading the admiral’s logs. It was surreal siting and reading words that were written by someone who no longer exists, who would never exist. He still wasn’t sure why they’d had no interference from the Temporal Integrity Commission, evidently the older Kathryn hadn’t been able to figure out the non-interference either. The only thing his mind could come up with was that there was something about that other timeline that wasn’t as it should have been, that this was always supposed to be how things ended up.

Hearing the chime on his door, he frowned, wondering who it could be. Standing up, he walked across the room and opened the door, surprised to find Kathryn standing on the other side. “Captain. What’s happened?” he asked as he moved to let her in.

Kathryn walked in and stopped behind a chair. “What’s going on?”

Chakotay frowned. “Captain, I don’t understand. You came to me.”

Kathryn huffed and spun around to stare at him. “When did you have time to grow so close to _her_?”

“Seven? You want to talk about that now?”

“Not Seven, but yes, we do need to talk about that. She’s a child in a woman’s body, Chakotay. A _child_!”

“Well, she isn’t, but it doesn’t matter because we’re no longer together. We haven’t been since the admiral told me a few things. I confronted Seven and things fell apart.”

“Fine. But that still doesn’t explain how close you seem to have been to _her_.”

“Admiral Janeway?” Chakotay asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Yes! Stop being so obtuse and answer me!”

“I don’t understand what you want. I’m confused. Should I not have befriended her?”

“If she left you her logs, it was more than that.” Kathryn hissed.

“Why are you upset?” Chakotay asked then arched an eyebrow. “Are you jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous?”

“I think that’s exactly what this is about. I spent time with her and you don’t like it. What I don’t understand is, why? You’ve pushed me away. Why do you think I even considered Seven? You obviously didn’t want me and I was tired of being your lapdog.”

“My lapdog?!” Kathryn yelled. “That’s utter rubbish.”

“No, it isn’t. I’ve been at your beck and call for years. I’d do anything for you, always kept myself available just in case you needed me. Well that isn’t what Admiral Janeway wanted. She didn’t want anything from me except for me to see that Seven and I weren’t right. _I_ forced her to open up to me. Do you know the real reason she came back? The real reason she finally sacrificed herself?”

“She had no other choice.”

“Oh, she had a choice. She made the other choice twice before. This time, she succeeded in changing your path.” Moving until he was in her space, Chakotay leaned down so that his breath fanned out across Kathryn’s face. “You. She came back to stop you from becoming her. Stopping Seven and I. Stopping you from ignoring your only hope of getting the crew home before another sixteen years have passed. It was all to change your path. And she did that. Though I don’t think it changed in the way she wished it would.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Chakotay stood up and moved away. “If you haven’t figured it out, I can’t help you.”

Kathryn stared at Chakotay’s back as he stood staring out the viewport, watching as the familiar stars passed by. “You’re impossible. Why don’t you just say it?”

“Because I’ve said it all before and I’m tired of wasting my words.”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“Seven?”

“No, damn it! My older self. Did you sleep with her because I wouldn’t let you in my bed?”

“If I slept with her, it was nothing to do with you.”

Kathryn huffed and rolled her eyes. “I’m supposed to believe that? She’s me.”

“No, she wasn’t. There may have been things the two of you shared, but no, she wasn’t you.”

Kathryn heard it in his voice. “You were with her,” she accused.

“I was. I gave her what she asked of me once she’d made up her mind to sacrifice herself to get us home. I tried to talk her out of it, tried to get her to help us find some other way, but she explained there was no other way. So I offered to give her more than just the kiss we’d shared before. She didn’t want me to make love to her, she just wanted me to take her, just wanted nothing more than sex. I think she wanted the love making for you, but…” he paused and looked up at Kathryn’s reflection. “That was wishful thinking on her part.”

“How dare you.” Kathryn hissed.

“How dare I, what? Have sex? Or is it because I had sex with _her_? You wouldn’t have minded if it had been Seven, is that it?”

Kathryn would have slapped him if they’d still been standing as close as they had only moments before, as it was, she curled her hands into fists. “I can’t stand the sight of you. You proclaim your love for me and then you…”

“I was fool. I think you should leave, Captain. Don’t you have reports to see to? Packing to do? We’ll be boarded in just under an hour.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to fire off a smart retort then shook her head and stormed out.

Chakotay sighed, “That went well.” Closing his eyes, he pictured the older Kathryn’s face as she stared up at him from her place on the bed. “I’m sorry. I don’t think it worked out quite like you hoped,” he whispered before her face disappeared and he opened his eyes.

A familiar voice seemed to whisper through his quarters, _“She’s jealous of herself, Chakotay. You gave me what she wants. Use that.”_

Shaking his head, Chakotay chuckled, “Even though you no longer exist, you’re still determined to get your way.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone wonders who I picture as Kathryn's mother, here's a link.... [my Gretchen Janeway](https://static.tvgcdn.net/rovi/showcards/feed/319/thumbs/31273319_357x476.jpg)

The first person Chakotay comes across, as he steps out of Voyager, is Gretchen Janeway.

He no longer wonders where his captain got her piercing gaze.

An identical set of blue eyes are now staring straight through him.

Damn.

He’d wanted to avoid anything to do with Kathryn for a few days at least. He’d tried talking to her again just before they landed and they’d had another heated discussion. He rolled his eyes…heated discussion his ass. It had been a near knock down drag out fight, no holds barred. 

Hearing his name brought him out of his thoughts. 

“Yes, Ma’am?” he answered, wondering just what the woman wanted with him. 

“Where’s my daughter?”

“She’s still in her quarters, Mrs. Janeway. She had a few more things to pack.” He gave her his most charming smile. “You know how it is with captains. First on the ship, last off.”

“And First Officers?” she asked with an eyebrow arched.

“I offered to stay and help once I’d finished what I needed to, she told me to go. I believe she wanted the time to say goodbye, Mrs. Janeway.”

Gretchen sighed and nodded. That was her Katie. “Would it be alright for me to go aboard?”

“I can’t see any harm in it as long as you’re going to her quarters.”

“I have no intentions of going anywhere else.”

“I meant no offense, Ma’am. Just stating what I must as First Officer.” Chakotay told her at the glare he received. “I can take you, if you’d like.”

“I know the way, Commander.”

Chakotay nodded and sighed. Now he’d pissed of yet another Janeway.

Spirits save him from this nightmare.

At the rate he was going, he was beginning to wish he’d taken his chances with the only Janeway that had been agreeable in the last four days.

~*~

“Mom.” Kathryn whispered when she looked up from the crate she was packing.

Gretchen simply held out her arms, wrapping them tightly around her daughter once she’d finally made her way to her. “Oh god. I never thought I’d hold you again,” she managed in a choked voice.

“I didn’t, either. It wouldn’t have happened if she…” Kathryn started then let the rest trail off.

Gretchen pushed her daughter back and arched an eyebrow. “She who?”

“A version of me came from the future to help us get home.”

“Well that wasn’t what I expected.” Studying her daughter, Gretchen noticed something in her eyes. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“She slept with Chakotay.”

Gretchen frowned at the jealousy she heard in her daughter’s tone. “Why are you jealous?”

Kathryn scowled and pulled away to go back to her packing. “I’m not,” she denied.

“Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, since when have you been able to lie to your mother?” Gretchen asked, her hands on her hips as she waited for her daughter’s answer.

“I’m not.” Kathryn denied again.

“Kathryn.” Gretchen warned. “Why are you jealous? You told me yourself that you wouldn’t enter into a relationship with Chakotay because it went against Starfleet protocols. I recall telling you that those protocols were not written for missions of the sort you found yourself on, that you should let yourself be happy and make your own rules regarding involvement between the captain and first officer. You told me you couldn’t do that. So why are you jealous?”

Finally looking up at her mother, Kathryn sighed, “Because it wasn’t me…except it was me. Damn it all. I hate temporal mechanics!”

“It wasn’t you, Kathryn. She had your face, your body, your name…but she wasn’t you. _You_ are you. She changed the timeline so she doesn’t exist.”

“How do you not get a headache with all of that?”

“Fine teacher of temporal mechanics I would be if I did.”

“What?” Kathryn asked. “Since when?”

“Since my daughter went missing seven years ago.”

“You…” Kathryn started then simply stared at her mother.

“I know what you’re thinking, and I had nothing to do with the future version of you.”

“Yes, but what if you did? What if the other version of you did the same thing? It took the other me twenty-three years to get her Voyager home. What if one of her mother’s students helped her?”

Gretchen held up her hand. “No wonder you get a headache. Now stop ignoring the real issue. You’re jealous of a woman who no longer exists. Again, why?”

“I don’t know!”

“I think you do. You’re jealous because she let herself be with Chakotay. She took what he offered. Didn’t she?”

“That’s what he inferred when I confronted him about it. As a matter of fact, Chakotay told me I was jealous as well.”

“Because you are. But, Katie, you have no right to be. You chose not to pursue a relationship with Chakotay, though you knew he wanted one. Between the two of you, you could have worked it out so that your relationship had no ill effects on the running of your ship, on crew morale. I’ll wager that it would have been rather uplifting for crew morale.” Gretchen relaxed her stance. “You know, I bumped into Mr. Chakotay as he was leaving. I’m afraid I wasn’t very friendly, and now I’m wondering why. He really hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“He was involved with Seven.”

Gretchen shook her head and moved to sit down. “Now I _am_ getting a headache. Chakotay was involved with Seven and he slept with the Kathryn from the future? That doesn’t sound like the man you’ve described to me.”

“He had ended his relationship with Seven before all that happened with the other Kathryn. Apparently in her timeline, Seven and Chakotay were involved and married. She told me that Seven would die three years from now and it would change Chakotay and me. She went to Chakotay and told him even more of the truth and he confronted Seven and that was that.”

“And then he slept with the future Kathryn. So you’re also angry at Chakotay for being involved with Seven right under your nose.”

“Seven is a child in a woman’s body, Mother.”

“That’s beside the point. You’re angry because Chakotay was involved in a relationship and you didn’t know about it. So the poor man started off with a point against him and then you learned he’d slept with the other Kathryn.” Gretchen shook her head. “You need to work this out and fix it. I’ve finally got my daughter back thanks to a version of Kathryn that doesn’t exist, and never will. I highly doubt that she came back just to get Voyager home earlier. She came back to save you. She came back to give you the chance for the happiness she never got. So, take it.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chakotay had avoided Kathryn as much as was possible when they’d had free time away from the debriefings. Now though, it wasn’t possible. They were to be paraded out for the media at a party to celebrate the returning heroes.

Heroes?

Since when?

The nonsense going on in the debriefings didn’t depict a belief that the Voyager crew were returning heroes.

In some cases he felt as though they were being treated as villains.

Villains!

He supposed the part of the crew that had started off as Maquis could be labeled as such, but they hadn’t been Maquis for seven years.

He’d been arguing that point for the last three days and didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. He supposed it had a lot to do with the Dominion War. He’d read up on it and found himself sick with the loss and betrayal. He had thought things were bad with the Cardassians when he left Starfleet and became part of the Maquis, but none of that compared to the things that went on during the war. He was sure what he was reading was a very heavily edited version, but it was enough to make him very thankful they hadn’t returned home earlier.

That thought brought him up short.

Had their hell out in the Delta Quadrant been better than what the Alpha Quadrant had endured during the war?

The answer to his pondering was…yes. They’d been facing unknown enemies in every battle out in the DQ. Here in the AQ it had turned into ally turning against ally. Treaties were made and broken in no more than a breath of time. The enemy infiltrated Starfleet and caused so much mistrust among the people, that even now, two years later, the crew had been subjected to all sorts of tests and scans the moment they landed, which had led to them all grumbling and wishing that they’d stayed in the DQ.

“Come in,” he called when the chime on his door sounded. Looking up, he was surprised to find Gretchen Janeway. “Mrs. Janeway?” he queried. After their last meeting, he didn’t think he’d see her again.

“I know you’re surprised to see me. I want to apologize for my less that cordial treatment of you that day. We’ll just say that it was a mother’s nerves at seeing her daughter for the first time in seven years.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Don’t call me Ma’am. It isn’t crunch time.”

Chakotay couldn’t help the grin that turned up the corners of his mouth. “Like mother, like daughter,” he murmured.

Gretchen frowned. “What?”

“I’ve heard that same thing from your daughter. I thought it was just part of her being a captain. Apparently, it isn’t.”

“I’ve never cared for being called Ma’am. It always made me feel old. My father was always using the phrase, it isn’t crunch time, so I suppose that’s where I got it from. My students could never figure out just when crunch time was since I teach temporal mechanics.”

Chakotay laughed out right at that. “You teach temporal mechanics? Then how is it your daughter gets a headache when it comes to that subject?”

“She overthinks things. But, in her defense, I only started teaching the subject after Voyager was lost.”

“You were trying to find a way to fix the timeline so we were never lost.” Chakotay guessed, amazed at how much this woman was like the Kathryn that had been lost. “She was a lot like you,” he whispered.

“Who? Kathryn?”

“The Admiral.”

Gretchen nodded. “Ah. So, yes…Kathryn. That’s actually what I came to speak to you about.”

“Kathryn?”

“Well, one version of her anyway. I know what happened. And I know my daughter can be very stubborn. You have to talk to her and give her a chance.”

“I don’t think that would be a very good idea right now. I was planning to wait until we’re finished with the debriefings.”

“That’s a foolish decision. The longer you wait, the more she’ll stew in her anger. You have to know you already had a point against you over Seven.” Gretchen shook head. “I can’t say that I disagree with my daughter on that one. Seven is like a child even if she is physically a grown woman.”

Chakotay sighed and shrugged. “We’ll say it was a midlife crisis.”

Gretchen had to chuckle at his use of her earlier tactic. “Fair enough. Just, fix things with my daughter.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“And do it sooner rather than later. Who knows how long you’ll be stuck in debriefings. Starfleet isn’t what it once was and what might have taken a month before will probably take three now.”

“I’ve read what I could about the war. I’m sorry to say that I’m glad we weren’t here.”

“Don’t be sorry. There were times I wished I was stuck out in the Delta Quadrant with you.”

“I guess we were all living in our own versions of hell.”

Gretchen nodded. “At least you were facing the unknown.”

“Exactly what I was thinking earlier.”

Smiling, Gretchen patted his arm. “Remember. Talk to her. Maybe try to do it before that ridiculous party tonight, hum?”

Chakotay couldn’t help chuckling as he nodded. “I’ll try. And I’m glad to see I’m not the only one that feels that way about the party.”

“It’s nothing more than Fleet using your return as good PR. They’ve not been in good favor with a lot of races since the war. The Dominion nearly won, but not because they outnumbered us or had better technology.”

“Because they came at us from within.”

“Yes. I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to what we were before.”

“The question is, should we?”

“I don’t know, Mr. Chakotay. I don’t know.” Gretchen turned to leave then paused and looked back. “If you don’t go back out on a ship, I think we could benefit from a teacher such as yourself.”

“I appreciate that, Mrs. Janeway. I promise I’ll try to speak to Kathryn before the party this evening.”

“I’ll make sure she’s available.” Gretchen said just before the door swished closed behind her.

Chakotay shook his head. He’d thought Kathryn was a formidable woman, but after meeting Gretchen…he’d determined Kathryn was a pushover compared to her mother.


	9. Chapter 9

Kathryn sighed as she stared at the damned dress her mother insisted she had to wear to the ridiculous party being thrown, supposedly, to honor Voyager’s crew as some sort of returning heroes.

She rolled her eyes at that.

Heroes her ass. She didn’t feel like a hero. She felt like some sort of lab experiment after all of the tests she and her crew had undergone and were still being subjected to. Three days home and the doctors were still scanning and extracting genetic material.

The Dominion sure did screw things up.

She’d read what she knew was a heavily edited report on the war, but she had her mother who had filled in as many of the gaps as was possible for her to, and she decided that she was glad that she and her crew were in the DQ.

That thought had drawn her up short and she sat down and stared at her empty coffee cup.

How could she feel that way after everything they’d gone through out there?

But that was yesterday and today her mind was on this damned party. She knew the men were all wearing their dress uniforms, and she’d decided that’s what she would be wearing…until she’d learned that the women were all dressing in formal party wear. If her mother hadn’t spent credits on the damn dress lying across her bed, Kathryn wouldn’t be going along with this foolishness.

What was wrong with her dress uniform?

Scowling when the door chime sounded, she stood up and stalked across the room. “Yes, Mother, I’m going to…” her words died off when she saw who was on the other side of the door. “Chakotay? What are you doing here?”

“May I come in? Or are we going to have this conversation in the open door where anyone can hear?”

“And what conversation would that be?” Kathryn asked, arms crossed over her chest.

Chakotay sighed, “I know you’re angry with me, but can you just give me a few minutes to try and explain?”

Kathryn rolled her eyes and turned away. “I may or may not listen.”

“Why must you be so damned stubborn? Did you ever think that it was you and the way you treated me that pushed me into another woman’s arms? We could have had five years of being together as a couple and providing that support to each other after New Earth, but you were worse after we returned than you were before. You kept shoving until I finally gave up. Yes, Seven was stupid of me, and I regret being so foolish. I will not, however apologize for Kathryn. While I may have subconsciously been with Seven to punish you for pushing me away, that wasn’t the case with Kathryn.”

“You’re talking about as if she’s…” Kathryn shook her head. “You’re calling her by my name.”

“I’m calling her by _her_ name. She was a person, Kathryn. She was hurting. She didn’t come back to see that Voyager got home early. That was just her excuse. She came back to save you from living the lonely, bitter life she lived. I didn’t intend for anything that happened between us to happen. It just did. I simply kissed her the first time, and she was satisfied with that. Then I confronted her after I learned that she was planning to sacrifice herself. When she explained why, I offered to make love to her, but that isn’t what happened. She didn’t want that. She said there wasn’t time but she gave in and told me to just take her. No finesse. It was fast and wild because she wanted it that way. She thanked me for giving an old woman a memory to take with her to her death. To her death, Kathryn. She was going to her death to save _you_. _You_. I won’t apologize for that.”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t think that you would be with her because you couldn’t have me.”

“I can. Remember, at that point I had given up ever being with you. I’d been skirting on the edges of a relationship with Seven. I was done with you, Kathryn. You had made it perfectly clear where I stood. You chose a damned hologram over me, for hell’s sake!” Chakotay sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry. You had your reasons, and no matter how wrong I may think they were, it isn’t my place to judge. I’ll go and leave you alone because obviously you aren’t interested in listening to me.”

Kathryn watched him walk away, his whispered, “She came back too late,” was like a knife in the heart as she staggered back, dropping heavily down onto the steps behind her.

Had Admiral Janeway come back too late?

Was she really already too far gone to change, to keep herself from becoming the bitter, cynical woman the admiral had been?

~*~

The party was in full swing and Kathryn Janeway was miserable. Every time she turned around she had some media gadget or the other in her face. The media drones were also swarming over the room like annoying insects that she had to stop herself from swatting. Her mother had come along with her, but Admiral Patterson had quickly swept her away, leaving Kathryn to fend for herself against the madness.

“I’d rather face off with the Hirogen,” she muttered.

“Now, Captain. It isn’t that bad.” Tom whispered as he and B’Elanna came up beside her.

Kathryn glared up him. “It most certainly is, Lieutenant.”

B’Elanna nodded and whispered, “I agree with her. I feel like I’m under one of Doc’s microscopes.”

“Speaking of the doctor, where is he?” Tom asked.

Kathryn, knowing she couldn’t answer truthfully, answered, “With a friend.”

Tom lifted his glass of champagne and laughed, “Good for him.”

“You’re the first two I’ve seen. Where are the others?”

“They’re here. That’s why we came over. Come on.” Tom motioned with his head for Kathryn to follow them.

Deciding it was far better to be with her crew then standing here desperately trying to look like she wasn’t bored, Kathryn followed her former pilot and smiled when she saw the rest of her crew huddled together in a far corner of the room. She could see family members milling about the group, and wondered again where Patterson had drug her mother off to, but shook her head. The man had always had a thing for her mother and for all she knew, the two of them could be together.

“I found her, guys.” Tom announced as they drew closer to the group. “I told you she was here.”

Seeing her crew smiling at her, Kathryn felt comfortable for the first time since she’d entered the building an hour earlier. Then she spotted Chakotay, and the comfort was gone, though she did her best to pretend otherwise. “Everyone having fun?” she asked with a smirk which earned guffaws and laughs. 

“Can we sneak away and go celebrate at Sandrine’s, Captain?” someone, that sounded like Harry, asked from near the back of the group.

“Yeah. We could go to the real Sandrine’s now,” another voice chimed in.

Kathryn laughed and shook her head. “I don’t think the Admiralty would appreciate their guests of honor sneaking off.”

“But would they even notice?” Tom asked which earned him a sock in the arm from Kathryn.

Kathryn rolled her eyes up toward the ever present drones. “They’d notice.”


	10. Chapter 10

Chakotay heard the chime and rolled his eyes. He’d thought he’d managed to escape the damned media, but evidently one of them followed him and was brave enough to bother him face to face.

Except it wasn’t a reporter.

“Kathryn?”

Kathryn blinked up at him, her eyes blurry with tears. “I don’t want to be her,” she whispered.

Chakotay grabbed her by the hand and tugged her inside and into his arms. “I’m sorry I said that. I let my anger get the best of me.”

“But you said what I needed to hear. Only my mother would have the courage to talk to me that way.”

“To be truthful, she’s the reason I came today. I was planning to wait to talk to you until after we were through with the debriefings, but she said that would be a mistake.”

“My mother is very wise.”

Chakotay felt the tears soaking through the light linen of his shirt and wrapped his arms a little tighter around her. “You aren’t her, Kathryn,” he told her as he placed a finger under her chin and gently lifted her face. “You aren’t her. You’re my Kathryn.”

“Yours? Even after everything I’ve done?”

“We both made mistakes. Instead of letting you push me away, I should have patiently shown you that we could make it work. I also should have stopped with the metaphors and just said outright how I felt.”

“But I liked the story of the angry warrior.” Kathryn smiled up at him. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. What was happening between us on New Earth terrified me and I let that fuel my actions once we returned to Voyager. I’ve cursed myself over and over for that, but I never could make myself change.” Sighing, she looked down. “I’m making the change now because I don’t want to live her life.”

“What do you want now?”

Smiling shyly, she looked back up at him. “You.”

“Are you propositioning me, Captain?” he teased.

“If I am, Commander?”

“Just checking.” Chakotay answered, his warm breath tickling across her lips.

Kathryn’s breath caught as she grasped his arms and stared at his lips, waiting to see what he was going to do. “Chakotay,” she gasped when he lifted her into his arms.

Chakotay smiled when she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Do you know how many times I wanted to do this while we were living on New Earth? That night you first saw the monkey. Spirits, you standing there in nothing but a towel with water dripping down your skin. It took all my control not to scoop you up then and ravage you right there on the grass, monkey be damned.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but chuckle. “I don’t think he would have thought a thing about it, though I might have had something to say.”

“Oh, I’m sure you would have had something to say,” he growled then pressed his lips to hers, taking them in a hungry kiss.

Tangling her fingers in his hair, Kathryn moaned and pressed her body closer to his, though she couldn’t get as close as she wanted to. “If we keep this up, you’ll drop me,” she murmured when his lips left hers and moved to her neck.

Chakotay pulled away and took a deep breath. “Bedroom it is then.”

“Sounds like a very good idea.”

~*~

Once inside the bedroom, Chakotay gently placed her on her feet beside his bed. Staring down at her, he caressed the tendril of hair that had escaped her updo away from her cheek. Moving his hand further up, he found the comb holding her hair in place and tugged, watching as the red tresses tumbled down about her shoulders. Tossing the comb on the night table, he moved on to the dress. “This is a very beautiful dress. I expected you to show up in your dress uniform, dress be damned.”

“If my mother hadn’t bought the damn thing, I _would_ have shown up in my dress uniform.”

“So I have her to thank for the way it clings to your curves.”

“You do, but I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Neither do I. I’d much rather discuss her daughter and how I’d really like to get her out of this dress, sexy as it is.”

Kathryn guided his hand to the zipper. “By all means,” she told him, her voice huskier than usual.

Tugging the zip down, Chakotay watched as the thin straps slid down off her shoulders, the material pooling at her waist until she moved her arms to let it slide the rest of the way down, landing in a blue heap at her feet. What she had on underneath made him groan and close his eyes. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he opened his eyes to find her still watching him. “You’re more beautiful than I’d imagined.”

Kathryn shook her head with a smile then tugged his tunic up at the hem and pulled it off over his head when he lifted his arms. “Mmm,” she hummed as she ran her hands over the smooth skin of his chest. She could feel his muscles twitch under her fingers as she continued to caress him and it turned her on, knowing that she could affect him in such a way. Flicking a fingernail over a flat nipple, she smirked at the catch in his breath.

“Kathryn,” he growled.

Chakotay felt her hands at the waistband of his pants and slid his hands up to undo the clasp of the flimsy bra she wore. His hands replaced the cups of her bra, and he gently kneaded, grinning smugly when her busy hands faltered in their movements, her fingers digging into the flesh of his thighs.

“Oh gods, Chakotay…just like that,” she panted when his fingers rolled a taut nipple between them then gently tweaked it. She knew she’d been busy doing something, but with his hands touching her as they were, she couldn’t concentrate.

Sliding his hands from her breasts down over her ribs, Chakotay leaned forward and nuzzled behind her ear as he pushed at the scrap of lace she was wearing as underwear. “Did you put these on with something in mind?” he whispered.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she managed to clear her mind enough to answer. “I didn’t plan anything outside of apologizing to you. These were the only thing that would work under this dress. I couldn’t very well go without,” she smirked as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

Chakotay returned her smirk. “No more than there is to these, you might as well have.”

Kathryn laughed then moaned when his mouth closed over a nipple. “Ooh…you don’t play fair.”

Nipping at her, Chakotay gently pushed and watched as she landed on the bed with a husky laugh. Stripping off the rest of his clothes, he joined her, smiling down at her when she cupped his face. “When I saw you come in, I wanted to come over to you, to fix things, to make you see we belong together.”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked, her fingers tracing the lines of his tattoo.

“I was too afraid it would only cause a scene, and I didn’t want to do that. I also didn’t want the media catching everything.”

Tugging him until his body was covering hers, she carded her fingers through his hair and tugged his head down until their noses were nearly touching. “Well there’s no media here now and this is all I want. We’ll talk about everything else…later,” she whispered then pressed her mouth to his, her tongue tangling with his as the kiss deepened.

As he continued the kiss, Chakotay grasped her thigh and lifted her leg, pulling her body more snuggly to his. He could feel her hot and ready against him and he pulled out of the kiss to stare down at her. “What do you want?”

Holding his gaze, Kathryn slid her hand down between then and wrapped it around him. “You. I want you. I’ve always wanted you I was just too stubborn to admit it,” she confessed as she moved her hand over him. “Make love to me, Chakotay.”

Easing himself inside her, Chakotay moaned at the way her body stretched around him. Caressing the hair out of her face, he stared down at her as he slowly began to move. “You’re everything, Kathryn. Always remember that. Everything,” he breathed.

Sliding her arms under his and around his back, she grasped his shoulders, her body picking up his rhythm as she wrapped both legs around his waist. “Oh gods,” she groaned as the change in angles let him slide in deeper with each thrust.

The clutching of her inner muscles around him was going to drive him out of his mind. Nibbling at her ear, he traced the rim just as he ground against her making her cry out and dig her fingernails into his skin. 

A few more minutes passed with Chakotay nearly driving her mad with the way he would thrust then grind against her before Kathryn used every muscle she had and rolled them over so that she was staring down at him. Grinning wickedly, she lifted up and let him slip out of her before slowly taking him back in, circling her hips as she settled fully against him.

Gripping her hips, Chakotay groaned as she moved over him, his eyes watching the sway of her breasts before he sat up and took a nipple in his mouth and gently nipped at it. Two could play this game, he decided and kept up his sweet torture even as his hand slid from her hip down to where they were joined, touching her and moving his thumb in circles until she was moving wildly over him, crying out for more.

Kathryn was nearly over the edge when Chakotay flipped her over on her back again and began to move erratically against her. Letting herself give into the sensations, she moved with him, her climax sweeping over her making her cry out and tighten her legs around him as he continued to move.

Chakotay was nearly there, just a few more thrusts and his own climax burned through him. In his haze, he felt another climax flutter through Kathryn and groaned at the clutching of her body around his.

Moments, hours…neither knew as they lay tangled in the sheets, their breath finally slowing enough for them to speak.

“That was more than I’d ever imagined it would be.”

Chakotay caressed her back, his finger slowly tracing the line of her spine. “So much so that…I can’t remember how we got in this position.”

Kathryn laughed and kissed his chest. “I love you, Chakotay. I have for so long.”

“I love you, too, Kathryn.” Tugging her up so that her face was next to his, he caressed her cheek. “No matter what happens in the next weeks, months, years…never turn me away again.”

Shaking her head, Kathryn rested her hand on his cheek. “Never, Chakotay. My older self came back to give us this. Neither of us are ever going to forget that.”

“No, we aren’t.”

Sighing as she settled her head back on his chest, Kathryn held his hand. “Someday, I hope you’ll let me read her logs.”

“When our lives are settled, and we’re through with all the debriefings, you can read them. I think she’d want you to.”

“Mom will be happy.”

Chakotay laughed and squeezed her. “I’ll have to remember to give her a hug the next time I see her.”

“You know, I think I understand Tom’s comment about being pieces in a chess game better now.”

“Endgame, set, and match.” Chakotay whispered as he curled his body around hers when she rolled onto her side to settle in for sleep.

“Check mate,” she murmured. “And what a match…”

Chakotay smiled and held her tighter. He said a silent thank you to the whitehaired admiral who had come back into her past to give them another chance. 


End file.
